Why read the Bible?

I've been married for 16 going on 17 years. I find the further we get along in marriage, the more there is to learn about eachother and discover together. Going (or should I say growing) through the different stages of life have taught both my husband and I that our "I do" didn't pertain just to the person that was standing in front of us those years ago. It was a loaded commitment that was full of intention and perseverance as both those kids would grow and evolve and choose to love one another in the process. Marriage isn't a fairy tale and it isn't passive. It is not self-serving and it for sure is not two people completing something. That last one is responsible for SO much hurt, brokenness and division in marriages.

Let me explain.

Marriage is not two people coming together to complete some whole thing- marriage is two COMPLETE people that come together in order to refine and sharpen and grow together- to serve one another. We are taught in the scripture that marriage is a representation of the union of Christ and His church- a holy mystery that we have the opporutnity to enter in to.

This opportunity is based on RELATIONSHIP. We grow in knowledge and understanding of one another. We work at being intentional about setting aside time to get to know one another (throughout our lives!). Are you the same person you were when you said your vows? Hopefully not! I'm sure not and thank-you Jesus for the change and growth and maturity that has taken place in me.....not for the benefit of my husband, but because of the relationship I have with God.

That's it.

Read it again. I haven't grown or changed FOR my husband. I have grown and changed because of my relationship and pursuit of Jesus. HE completes me.

Why is this important?

Because, I'm not looking to have my husband fill a void that he was never meant to fill. He's not supposed to be where I find my identity, my ultimate security, my hope, my future, love. It's not him that is my resource.

Now, I can imagine some of you are reading this saying, "yeah, but those things are a part of marriage- so why wouldn't your spouse fill those needs?"

When I know that I am fully loved by God and that He is the source of everything for me IE He is my provider, my security, my advocate, the one who loves me, etc....I love and serve my spouse in all these areas from a place of overflow from my position with God. I'm not doing anything in my marriage, therefore, that is transactional in any manner. I'm being rather than doing.

Get the difference?

There was a period in my life I didn't know this yet. Can I tell you, it was EXHAUSTING to do all the things in order to impress, honor, qualify, whatever else myself to Marcus. I was a working mom with an impeccably clean house and homemade dinner on the table 5 out of the 7 days of the week with perfectly folded laundry BECAUSE those things PROVED my love to him. You know what happened? I became resentful and angry and tired and depressed because I was DOING things in order to qualify being loved. IT WAS MISERABLE.

Then. God.

Those words always make me choke up.

Then. God.

Then, one day, the Lord asked me to trust Him and change a bunch of things I had been doing in my life. One moment with God- always- changes everything.

I started to learn about how much He loved me. That his love was unconditional without requirements. His love would never change, never run out, never depend on anything I could or would ever do.

I began reading the Bible again. I started reading this time in my life not for rules and regulations and expectations on how I could impress God and become worthy of Him- but, humbly seeking with curiosity how much Jesus loved ME.

Now. I can't tell you a moment that everything immediately changed. There was a year that I journaled that I can see the progress through the entries of my awareness of Grace becoming not something I had heard about, but now something I was actively experiencing in my life.

If you ask my husband, he will say that the change was so profound that it changed him.

I wasn't angry and hot-tempered anymore.

I wasn't anxious and secluded anymore.

I wasn't reliant on Marcus for the things that God had made Himself my resource for.

Do you know what happens when you stop expecting your spouse to fill the needs God created you to find in Him?

You're not disappointed.

Again, hear me. I'm not saying that your spouse is a disappointment, I am saying that God CAN'T disappoint you and that being fully resourced IN HIM gives you the capability to LOVE unconditionally without expectation or reciprocation. So, as life transpires and you both grow and change....LOVE is founded in Jesus and LOVE covers a multitude of things you have or haven't experienced yet (good, bad, ugly, etc).

What does all this mean?

You can only love to the degree to which you have been loved.

And I would propose, that the PERFECT love of God is the only source to which you can experience the fullness of what you were created for. LOVE has a name, Jesus. Knowing whose you are becomes who you are AND THAT is important.